When I told my parents I needed psychological help, it was hard for them to deal with. I'd always been this happy, smiling girl. Not quite the person you'd expect to have any form of mental health problem. Many of us suffer in silence because of the stigma around mental health. In fact, I'd been suffering since I was a child. Since my mother had shown similar behaviour when she was a child, nobody asked any questions. It wasn't until much later that I found out 'my normal' is considered 'abnormal' by the majority of people worldwide. My parents, especially my mother, would have liked more resources for those who live with a person who is suffering from depression or any other mental disorder. As we navigated this life with my (manic) depression and PTSD, I noticed a few things I often heard from people around me when I told them I was suffering. To help you, here are some do's and don'ts when someone tells you they are struggling with depression/PTSD/anxiety/panic based on my own experience with all of this. Remember each person and each situation are different. Get medical help if needed.
DO
- Listen to, acknowledge and be there for them.
- Ask questions like: "How can I help?" or "What do you need from me?"
- Keep reminding them that it's their brain talking nonsense and to let it talk. Remind the person they're worthy and loved.
- If they need to cry, let them cry.
- Stay calm.
- Get their attention. When you do, talk clearly and gently.
- Remind them to breathe slowly in through the nose and out through the mouth.
- If the person requests to go to a place where the trauma was experienced, offer to go there with them. Give them their space.
DON'T
- Tell them 'everyone is sad sometimes' and 'it'll pass'.
- Mimic their tone of voice.
- Tell them they're 'exaggerating'.
- Tell them that they 'need to grab themselves together'.
- Send them away.
The lists above are non exhaustive. They include the things that helped me and the things that certainly didn't help. Feelings are personal. Only the person having the feelings knows what they're really like. Depression is much more than sadness. Panic is much more intense than anxiety and anxiety is not the same as being scared or afraid.
Last year I went back to the place where I had a traumatic experience as a child. A friend and my parents were there with me. They stayed close by, but let me take in my surroundings and remind myself it is a safe space now. When I was ready, we left. That was a big step on my healing journey.
If you are on your own healing journey, what has been important to you? Feel free to post a comment below or send me a message here.
Add comment
Comments
Things my trained professional psychologist said to me.
Are all in the don't list. It will pass, no it is called chronic. It will not pass. That I am overreacting, sending me away when I am so upset that a safe drive was not possible.
Just loving the "professionals"
Manon,
I'm so sorry. Unfortunately you hit the nail on the head: it's why it's so difficult for people seek help and it's why I decided to share my story through this website. Some professionals in this field should know better. Fortunately, there are people out there who do care. They're hard to find.