Dancing with my soul

Today's society is always on the go: people receive calls, e-mails, whatsapp messages, notifications about this and that all day and even all night. This type of technology allows us to connect with more people, but it disconnects us from ourselves. Last week, I joined an introduction webinar with Danielle Gaudette about finding our True Self. What does True Self mean to you? To me, it means my core, my soul, the essence of who I am. Through tapping and meditation exercises Danielle guided us deep inside ourselves. The feelings I had are very personal. If you were  to do the exercises, you might feel something completely different. I was overcome with gratitude and love. As my energy flowed between my hands and gentle music was playing I indulged in the feeling while gently swaying on the rhythm of the music.

On May 15 a blood test revealed I have the hormone levels of someone 10-15 years older than I actually am. My GP would have said it was related to menopause if I weren't as young as I am. That was hard for me at first. I'd always wanted to have children, but with these hormone levels the chances of having biological children shrunk to minimal. Two days later an ultrasound showed that my ovaries have atrophied and are no longer working. My reaction to that was the opposite of what I thought would happen: I didn't collapse crying. An intense feeling of relief washed over me. Pressure fell off my shoulders. Shortly after the ultrasound I received the Holy Sacrament of the Sick upon my request. I've been going through so much that I thought the Sacrament may bring my some peace and comfort. And so it did. As the Priest made the sign of the cross on my hands and gently rubbed the scented oil on my head I felt peace. If I'm not here to have or to raise children, then God must have a different plan for me. It's ok if you don't want to have children. For me it's ok that I can't have children. It doesn't make me a lesser woman. While dancing with my soul last week, I asked my soul to forgive me for hiding it beneath all the layers of society.

"Shush," my soul said. "You have done nothing wrong. Just dance with me." Tears began to fall from my closed eyes onto my hands. "Thank you, I love you. You're worthy," I said in my head. And we danced...

Try this sometime this week. Turn off your devices. Take some time to go deep inside yourself. Be kind to yourself. Feel your body. Let your mind speak. Go deeper. Listen to what your soul has to say. Then make a concious choice to be who you are, not who society wants you to be.