Shining Light

As a toddler I'd often ask someone for permission to go take a nap. In summer, my question changed: "Why do I have to go to bed already? It's not even dark yet and we're supposed to go to bed at night time." It didn't make sense to me that night time could be when it was full of daylight outside. I'd stay awake until exhaustion or until actual sunset most of the time. Looking back, I understand where this came from: I've always been very sensitive to light. If the light around me is artificial or faint, my mind tells my body to go to sleep. In summertime I often go to sleep around sunset, waking up around sunrise. Since the sun is setting so early in winter, I try to keep myself busy until later in the evening in an attempt to make my night last as long as possible. I've always been an early bird with a tendancy to get up when the sun does. Summer Solstice is one of my favourite days of the year. I soak up the daylight like a sponge as if I'm trying to prepare myself for the days that'll be getting shorter until it leads us to the day with the least daylight of the year, Winter Solstice. 

I try to radiate light wherever I go every day. Daylight is essential to keep the flame inside me burning. Winter is hard. I feel like an oil lamp that is about to go out most of the time. However, there's still something that keeps me going: the light of my soul is the strongest light I have inside. In summer, it's easier for my soul to shine through on its own. Last winter I understood that daylight isn't enough. I need to work hard to give my soul the space it needs to let its light burn and to let daylight reach it, especially in winter. Brain Education's Awaken & Feel and Accept & Create are excellent courses to help me with that. My soul hides under all the layers, hoping to stay warm while it's so cold and dark outside. When I peel off each layer one by one through the exercises I let the light around me reach inside. When it does, my soul receives fuel to keep going. With so little light around me I need to make an effort to let the weak light reach my hidden soul.

Is that easy? No, it isn't. My soul hides under layers of habits, beliefs and behaviours it's been familiar with. It's like a safety net: If I stay under these layers, I'm safe and comfortable. When I take those away one by one, it can feel overwhelming. The key is to keep going through these feelings. The light from outside needs to reach my soul in winter like it does in summer. When I keep reminding myself that I'm not those feelings, my soul will eventually understand that it's ok to come out of its hiding place from time to time. By doing the exercises regularly, I create a new habit for my soul to come speak to me, to show me its light: the light of peace and happiness I can share with those around me. 

Try to take a moment to yourself every day. Do what makes you feel good. Spread kindness, because that, too, makes room for the light to shine through.