Soul freedom

Last month, I took time to myself. My mental health was going downhill as a result of several things. I suppose one can say life got in the way to a certain extent. Danielle's second round of Awaken & Feel and Accept & Create classes are about half-way now. As I go through the exercises on a weekly basis I discover more about myself. As Danielle regularly points out during her Accept & Create classes, our soul or our essence is covered under many different layers that each influence the way we function in society. One of the layers is my beliefs. A great awakening about how strongly our beliefs influence us came to me a few days ago. 

My mum and I were often having coffee together while she was staying with me. I have two tins to keep my coffee pads. The tins look the same on the outside, but one contains decafeinated coffee and the other contains the cafeinated pads. To illustrate my awakening about the strength of our beliefs, let's say my tins are called A and B. My mum dislikes decafeinated coffee, so I told her tin A contained the cafeinated pads for her to make herself a cup of coffee if she wanted to. Cafeine affects how my good my medicine works, so I need to be careful with it. I can only have a certain amount of cafeine a day and most of the time I avoid it alltogether.  On the evening before my mum left, we were having a coffee again. I made my mum's regular coffee and decided I'd make myself a decafeinated coffee this time. When I opened tin B, the pad had the cafeinated coffee brand inscription on them. It was then that I realised my mum and I had been drinking decafeinated coffee all week, and mum hadn't even noticed it. Wow, I thought. Mum's mind had been tricked into believing she was drinking caffeinated coffee because of what I said about tin A. Long story short: our mind can manipulate us as much as we can manipulate our mind.

That brings me back to yesterday's Accept & Create class. With Danielle gently guiding us through our layers as we tapped our chest, stomach and dahn jon, we focussed on another layer: our wants. They come from our ego, or "small me". Sometimes things we don't want come up, like in my case. My body tensed up as my ego said: "I don't want to resist." "That's ok," I murmured. Then what DOES my ego want? It wants to ALLOW. Then: I want to BE GOOD ENOUGH. Next: I want to LET GO. My body felt cold as my ego voiced that it wants to TRUST. As we tapped our bodies, we spoke each of our wants out loud and I cried. Then we asked: "What does my TRUE SELF/SOUL/ESSENCE (hidden underneath these layers) want?" My soul said: "I want to ACCEPT the past and the trauma I've been through, so they don't control my life." At the end of our session, we did some energy meditation. I felt like I was dancing again, dancing with my warm energy I'd freed from under these layers as I moved my hands in and out on my chest with the song China Roses by Enya in the background. To finish our class, Danielle asked us to put our hands to our chest and ask what our soul wanted, say thank you and to just feel what that felt like. My hands felt almost hot on my chest. All my soul wants deep down is just to love, no matter what. When we were sharing our experiences, I cried again: it was intense, beautiful. I had made another small step. I need to keep going with this. Who knows what else my soul has to say to me? Only I do, if I keep seeking for it to talk to me and choosing the right thing to create who I want to be: a woman who is in control of her emotions instead of a woman who is being controlled by her emotions. This process is endless and beautiful.