Last night was the final class of the sixth Emotional Self-Mastery course with Danielle. She asked us about our 2024: what are our takeaways and what do we want to leave behind. Next, she asked us to think ahead about the new year to come: what is your theme for the new year. After our tapping session and Qi Gong energy meditation, we were asked to reflect on these subjects.
When my cousin passed away last year, I was struck by survivor's guilt. Why did I get the help I asked for and she did not? As 2024 progressed I became aware of something interesting. I could sit around and feel guitly about surviving with mental health difficulties, or I could try to turn that guilt into a power. I could use my voice to give people like my cousin a voice, so I tried doing that by making this website. However, I noticed that I needed to work on myself more before I could truly start helping other people. So I did. Danielle's classes help me to systematically raise my own awareness to my feelings, why I feel what I feel and to watch those feelings without judgement and most of all to allow the feelings to be what they are: temporary states of mind that come and go, come and go. Emotional Self-Mastery is never done. It's a continuous process that helps me create understanding and reduce fear. It enhances my practice of my Catholic faith, because I can go deep within myself to talk to God and put my uncertainties, fear, and all other bits and bobs into His hands.
Last week, my mother, my cat and I nearly lost our lives because of carbon monoxide. If it weren't for my detector, we would have been as dead as doornails. When the firefighters came, we waited outside and they went inside with their oxygen masks and oxygen tanks. Carbon monoxide was detected in my house. I thought my fear would freeze me, but my body went into flight mode. We had to get out of there and fast. When the firefighters gave the all-clear, we went back into the house and started shaking. We had escaped death and our body was now releasing the fear that was pushed to the back of our mind. During Danielle's classes, we're told that only the feelings you are ready to process will surface. In this example, the fear came out after the danger had passed. It was time to process it.
Living with mental health difficulties makes this processing more difficult. Emotional Self-Mastery teaches us how to process properly. The story with the carbon monoxide isn't nearing its end just yet, but I feel ready to fight for my rights if need be. During yesterday's class, I mused about that readiness and about what I really want. The answer was straightforward: I want to help other people, to inspire them to look within themselves, to seek help from professionals if needed, and to give a voice to those who cried out and were not heard. In order to do so, I need to continue raising my own awareness, write in my journal and on this website and share as much as I can.
This journey is to be continued each and every day we wake up. Try to find at least one good thing in every day and focus on that. Today I am feeling extra grateful for God's presence and Danielle's classes. We only have one life in this body. It's the most prized possession we have. We need to make the most of it. In 2024 I turned my survivor's guilt into survivor's power. My theme for next year will be: using that power to help. In memory of my dearest cousin, I will use my voice whenever I can. You are not alone.
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